The Woman Who Didn't Reveal her Child's Gender

Okay, as I read a little bit about this person, she just seems to fit what Hugh Grant called a "daft hippie" in the movie "about a boy."

For instance, she says that her experience is based on having observed her mother and father.  Her mother was very "sporty" and her father very emotional.

So, she says that's proof that people shouldn't be stereotyped.  What's escaping her, entirely, is that the gender-norming society that her mom and dad grew up in (that were probably far more confining than modern day UK), produced two people who were able to be who they wanted to be.  Mom was still sporty.  Dad was still emotional.

She draws parallels between gender and other arbritrary delineations like astrological signs.  Again, really?  Any psychologist can tell you that hormones are real and they manifest themselves in very real psychological and physical ways.  Doesn't matter what you want to happen... the hormones will have their way. 

Not many 10 year olds imagine that they'd like to grow hairy and start doing previously inexplicable things with members of the opposite sex (or same sex if you're part of that demographic.)  However, hormones say otherwise.

So, to dismiss gender as nothing more than virgo vs.  capricorn is... wow... it's just stupid.  Even before puberty, as pretty much any parent's experience will show, kids will start gravitating towards behaviors.  There's a reason why boys gravitate towards boy things and girls gravitate towards girl things.  It's not because the human race has just been beating it into them generation after generation.
YES, sometimes you get a parent who did beat their kid or whatever, because it was a boy who played with dolls.  That was an unusual kid and a parent who didn't want to accept that.  That parent needs help.  There's nothing wrong with the kid that I can think of.

HOWEVER, in the vast majority of cases, kids just gravitate.  And boys TEND to gravitate towards boy things.  Girls TEND to graviatate towards girl things.  Nothing wrong with them if they're a boy who gravitates towards girl things.  We should accept that.  What seems to be missing here is an acceptance of boys who gravitate towards boy things and girls who gravitate towards girl things.
Boys who gravitate towards girl things?  That's natural and should be nurtured and should not be punished.  Okay, I'm fine with that.

But boys who gravitate towards boy things?  That's a pity because it's obviously the result of stereotype.  That's the idea I can't agree with.  You can pick boy things... as long as it's not skulls or camoflage or anything to boy-ish... okay... but you can put on a pink sparkly swimsuit... that's not too girly... This woman literally had a photo of her son in a fairy princess outfit, complete with ballerina skirt... and used it as the family's Christmas photo.  But that's okay.  Camoflage pants, though?  The tools of bigots who are not realizing the harm they're doing to their kids.

As a further indication of the differences between boys and girls, let's examine sports.  Yes, in the past, you could argue that girls got the shaft.  They didn't have the opportunities and they were given short shrift in the few opportunities that they got. 

These days, I can assure you that doesn't happen.  Not only is there Title IX, but there are a whole lot of coaches of both gender who are bound and determined to make sure their daughters get the same opportunities that their sons get.

After puberty, forget it.  I hope there's nobody so delusional out there that they don't realize that once boys begin becoming men, women, in the aggregate, can't compete with them.  Women can try out for the football or baseball team and once in a while, they do, but the differences are so stark that, frankly, you might have, at best, 1 or 2 women playing varsity football in a state the size of Ohio.  And we know because it makes the national news.

But even before puberty, the difference in athleticism is absolutely astounding.  If people want to say this is due to sociology and psychology, all I can say is, you really haven't been around kids much.  The level of play between a 4th grade boys basketball team and a 4th grade girls basketball team is astounding.  Absolutely astounding.  Same with soccer.  They have to start segregating by gender starting in about the first grade. 

If not for girl's sports, there would be only a statistically insignificant number of girls in sports.  They simply can't compete.

So, the idea that gender might have implications on how well you handle a basketball, but on nothing else?  Farfetched, at a minimum.

(And I need to throw out this disclaimer:  I'm not disparaging female athletes.  Yes, a good female athlete is better at her chosen sport than most males.  However, a good female athlete is no match for a comparably good male athlete in the same sport.  A mediocre female athlete is no match for a comparably mediocre male athlete.)

The female blogger is a person who, when the baby was born, demanded that nobody tell her the gender and she and her partner didn't look for half an hour.

Okay, there's "Not making a big deal out of something" and then there's making such a big deal out of not-making a big deal that you're just acting crazy.

I mean, somebody saying, "Oh dear god, thank you!  He has a penis!  I just couldn't have dealt with this if it were a girl..."  That's somebody who is seriously unbalanced.

But "I don't care what the gender is.  Don't tell me!!  La-la-la-I-can't-hear-you-la-la... I don't care.  This baby has no gender..."  To me, this smacks of the sort of repression that you see when, for instance, a fundamentalist preacher prattles on and on about the evils of homosexuality, then the next day they're getting serviced downtown by a gay hooker. 

If you're trying THAT HARD to say that something doesn't matter to you, it matters.  In fact, it probably matters more than it should.

Here is the news article that started the stir:

http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/Home/Hes-pretty-in-pink-to-make-you-think-20012012.htm

Here is her blog:

http://beckblogbeckblog.blogspot.com/2012/01/truth-about-sasha-laxton-gender-neutral.html

I also don't agree with some of the harsher assessments that people are making about this woman.  She's a daft hippie, but a harmless one.  She seems to be very intelligent, thoughful and insightful.  I don't see how what she's doing or has done is harmful in any way, to her child or anybody else's.

However, I simply disagree that normal gender-based behaviors are the result of social pressure, alone.  That's an idea that was tried and discarded in the states back in the 70s.  Just as I would never have smacked a doll out of my son's hand, I would also never prohibit him from playing sports, getting dirty and acting... well... like a boy.